Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

After Jacob, and also his clothes, *had been thoroughly washed* by one of his Uncle Laban’s servants, so that none of the ghastly smell remained, Jacob was allowed to enter his uncle’s abode, where he ate with relish the big meal set before him.

So grateful was Jacob for the hospitality that he told his uncle everything about himself while he wolfed down the food. Jacob spoke often with his mouth full, causing bits of food to fly out of his mouth as he spoke. Laban seemed not to mind.

“Since you are my nephew” said Laban “you are my own flesh and blood. You may therefore stay here as long as you like. However, I don’t want you just to laze around all day for it wouldn’t be good for your character. So you’ll have to work for me. What sort of wages would you like?”

“Well, I have to tell you, Uncle” said Jacob, “that I’ve fallen in love with Rachel, your younger daughter. When I saw her for the first time when she was herding your flock of sheep, I knew she was the one for me. Hence if you’re agreeable, I’ll work for you gratis for seven years if I can take Rachel to wife at the end of this time.”

“On principle I have no objection to such an arrangement” said Laban, “but I would prefer it if you could take to wife at the end of the seven years my elder daughter, Leah.”

“But Uncle, Rachel’s the one I love, not Leah. I’m sure Leah’s a fine girl, but she’s very plain to look at. She’s just not my type, but Rachel absolutely definitely is. So I’ll have to insist that the daughter I take to wife is Rachel.”

Laban grumblingly agreed to this.

Jacob laboured away from sunup to sundown each day in Laban’s fields for seven years. What kept him going was the thought of the prize he would get at the end, Rachel. Also, he was able to see her regularly during this time, so it was in fact a seven-year courtship and engagement.

Whenever Jacob and Rachel met they would hold hands, and would kiss and otherwise do many of the things which we today call “heavy petting”. Often Jacob felt such overwhelming passion and desire during heavy petting that he would entreat Rachel to surrender to the act of ultimate union between them.

“As long as no-one sees us, who’s to know?” Jacob would say.

“I want this as much as you” said Rachel, “but refraining from ultimate union until I’m taken to wife is such a precious part of myself that I can’t give it up until then. Believe you me, I love hand-holding, I love kissing, I love caressing, and I know I’m going to love the act of ultimate union. But I want it to be when you take me to wife, and I can experience it forever.”

“This is very difficult for me” said Jacob, “for I’m a man, and we men think thoughts about the act of ultimate union far more than you women do. Thinking about it without engaging in it causes me headaches and sleepless nights.”

“Please be patient, dear Jacob” said Rachel, “I’ll make it all up to you when you take me to wife.”

Source: Genesis 29, 14-21

This entry was posted in Jacob, Laban, Leah, Rachel and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

  1. wait a minute…is this what was really written or was part of this from your playful imagination? i think i have to re-read the bible seriously! this was very entertaining though. back then it was commonplace to do so much just to have your life partner. now, everyone’s into one-night stands and all that. i’m not saying i’m against anything, only that i’m amazed how far people used to go to prove their love. thanks for an interesting post!

  2. Richard says:

    You are a master, Philippe.
    Who can doubt that this is exactly how it all took place.

  3. Philippe says:

    @johnnathanielfernando – “…..i think i have to re-read the bible seriously!…….”

    This would be terribly time-consuming. However, by checking in here regularly, you’ll find you won’t need to re-read the bible, and you’ll have lots of spare time as a result.

    @Richard – “…..Who can doubt that this is exactly how it all took place…..”

    In a rational world you would be right. Unfortunately there are fools born every minute.

  4. jenny says:

    Our boy Jacob needs something to distract his mind. Perhaps a healthy interest in sport? But Jewish boys never went in for sport much. Maybe fashion, then? That is certainly what Rachel was thinking about.

  5. Philippe says:

    If they’d had Zumba, Jacob could have taken that up as a distraction.

  6. dafna says:


    i’m not sure which is more entertaining, the comments and your responses or the actual post.

    after reading, my jacob turned to me with a somewhat serious face and asked if he was going to be expected to marry his cousin. i assured him that he was a free agent.

  7. Philippe says:

    While your Jacob is free to decide whether or not to marry his cousin, what if God should come to him in a dream and order him to marry her?

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